evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
