My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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