I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
