have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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