then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
