On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
