you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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