Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
