hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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