Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.