I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning