Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story