dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.