Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.

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  (716): I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad. http://tfl.nu/kobd
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.

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  (251): My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me. http://tfl.nu/ksmg
  Replies (8) Good night (475) Bad night (2699) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.

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  (931): she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by. http://tfl.nu/75ga
  Replies (14) Good night (5017) Bad night (946)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

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  (214): Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas. http://tfl.nu/702a
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  (518): View more from New York

  woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so

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  (518): woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so http://tfl.nu/1jbm
  Replies (6) Good night (6848) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

  (206): View more from Washington

  Or, you could have used a condom

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  (808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i
  Replies (35) Good night (1021) Bad night (6684)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.

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  (860): his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate. http://tfl.nu/ds0z
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  (562): View more from California

  cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

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  (562): cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi http://tfl.nu/kis8
  Replies (28) Good night (4380) Bad night (1685) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

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  (919): All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar. http://tfl.nu/cp66
  Replies (10) Good night (6067) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes

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  (+44): what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes http://tfl.nu/x7um
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people

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  (+44): she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people http://tfl.nu/xprr
  Replies (8) Good night (4037) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm officially in the Christmas spirit

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  (610): THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER (1-610): I'm officially in the Christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/grxs
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits

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  (216): Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits http://tfl.nu/2zgj
  Replies (4) Good night (919) Bad night (219) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.

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  (609): I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains. http://tfl.nu/mhck
  Replies (2) Good night (235) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.

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  (971): Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor. http://tfl.nu/pagf
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt

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