i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...