i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
