Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
