I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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