i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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