I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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