i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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