im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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