They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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