We won't sleep together?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
