tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
