I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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