We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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