Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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