The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
