he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
