Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
