He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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