Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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