dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
