Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
