theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
