sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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