My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
