Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize