I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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