Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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