erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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