i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
