did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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