GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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