I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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