I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
