I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
