Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
