I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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