I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
