It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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