oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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