Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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