you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
