Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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