tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
