He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
