wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
