Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize