Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
