I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
