My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
