just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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