Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
