yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
