Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
