Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
