God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
