i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize