I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
