Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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